If there’s one thing to know about me, it’s that I enjoy whimsy. A lot of folks want their sex toys to look sleek and stylish and grown-up, and I enjoy many that fall under that umbrella, but I also enjoy things that are cute or silly or, well, whimsical. Sex isn’t that serious, masturbation isn’t that serious, and I appreciate a toy that reminds me not to take it too seriously.

So when BestVibe once again offered a paid review of a couple of toys, I naturally had to pick out the ones with the most whimsical shapes. One, the Squid, is available in both the BestVibe UK store and the BestVibe US store; the other, the Mushroom, is only currently available through BestVibe UK. Let’s take a look!

Squid

This is the one I looked forward to the most. It’s got a sort of fingerlike tentacle shape at the bottom, and the top is the distinct cone of a squid’s head, with regular decorative marks that somewhat resemble eyes, if a squid had four eyes in regular intervals around its head. I haven’t studied much marine biology but I’m pretty sure they don’t. It’s a pretty powder blue that, fortunately or unfortunately, is approximately the same color as Squidward. Make of that what you will. (I was never really a SpongeBob person. I’ll be turning in my millennial card after this post.) It also has a little white rectangle on the underside of the fingers/tentacles, with raised bumps, which is squishy but not noticeably different from the rest of the toy. The whole toy is covered in silicone, so it’s body safe, and it’s waterproof, as one might hope for a toy inspired by marine life.

The website boasts that it can be app controlled, but I couldn’t really get the app to download and open on my phone, so I can’t tell you how that works. What I can tell you is how the vibrations work, which uh…

Well. They weren’t great.

First, the setup is really weird. Most toys start with the steady speeds, usually low, medium, then high, followed by all the patterns. A one-button toy like this one will often make you cycle through the patterns if you want to get back to the beginning, which is annoying but tolerable. But the Squid starts with patterns. It starts with eight patterns, and only then do you reach the steady speed. Note I said “steady speed.” Singular. One. I don’t really like patterns a lot at the best of times, but having to wade through them made it worse, and then that one was very mild.

I did like one pattern, which was an escalating pattern that started very slow and ended very high; it was fun, both clitorally and internally, for edging myself. But then when I was done playing with that, all I had was one very small speed to get myself off. I managed it, but it wasn’t super satisfying.

I tried the Squid both internally and externally. The patterns felt nicer on my G-spot than on my clit, but they still weren’t wonderful, and even with a better vibe used externally I had a hard time reaching orgasm with this one. Also, when inserted, it’s hard to access the button on the back.

My other complaint is that the vibrations that were middling on my junk also vibrated into the head, not enough to turn it around and use it from that end, but enough to hurt my damaged hand and wrist.

I was really excited for this one, but in the end I really didn’t care for it at all.

Mushroom

The pink Mushroom I liked a lot better! It is, as you can imagine, mushroom-shaped and covered in a soft pink silicone, with a little chrome detail at the end of the stem/handle. One button turns the toy on/off, and the other moves through the settings, which have a more typical progression, with three steady speeds followed by a bunch of patterns. The three speeds were pretty decent and had a good, pronounced increase between them, so if you’re one of those people who likes to work their way up to a stronger setting, this is a good toy for that!

Honestly, hot pink cottagecore mushroom design aside, this vibrator is essentially a mini wand vibrator, and at £32.99, it’s a pretty affordable one. The vibrations are pretty strong, and the mushroom-shaped head gives it a broad surface, which is great if you’re someone who likes a lot of surface area being touched by the vibrator.

It’s also one of the easiest toys I’ve had to clean—there are no seams or shapes for gunk to get caught into, and it’s waterproof as well.

I did find it a little bit…I’m not sure if it was buzzy, or if the thick, squishy silicone just dulled the sensations a bit, or if it’s simply because I’m not partial to broad sensations (I prefer something more narrow and precise), but I found myself having to press it in harder than is typically comfortable for me. If you need something super powerful or rumbly or, of course, pinpoint, this might not be the one for you; it’s also another one that I found to be rather strong in the handle, so if you have hand or grip issues, again, maybe this isn’t the best.

However, my spouse really liked it, and while it’s not for me, I do think it’s a nice toy. I don’t really go for wands or wand-like toys personally, so it isn’t a surprise. If a broad shape, small size, and some thick silicone sound nice to you, I think it’s absolutely worth a shot. And if you’re looking for just the right sexy gift for the mycologist in your life…well, I honestly don’t know if they’d like this, but it’s definitely mushroom-shaped.

The Bottom Line

Two toys full of whimsy. The Squid didn’t do it for me; the quality and set-up of the vibrations meant that it’s just not worth it to me except as a cute novelty item. But the Mushroom, while not necessarily my personal taste, is a really nice budget toy, and just as cute!

Buy the Squid from BestVibe US for $45.36 or BestVibe UK for £48.99

Buy the Mushroom from BestVibe UK for £32.99

Use the code EARTHLING for 20% off your BestVibe purchase!

Note that BestVibe does gender their categories and can sometimes be difficult to navigate.

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