When Tentickle reached out to me to do a review, I was immediately on board. I love fantasy dildos, and I love supporting new or small companies! As a bonus, the creator’s background is in creating monster effects for film and theater, which was especially appealing to me as a dedicated monsterfucker.

They still have a small handful of options, but they’re all beautiful…and somehow, I made a somewhat uncharacteristic move. Instead of going for one of the more fantasy-type options, I kept being drawn to the most human option.

Maybe it was the girth. Maybe it was the two absolutely stunning color options. Maybe it was the little backstory of a forest spirit-type creature. Whatever it was, I kept coming back to look at the Woodsman, and when I showed my spouse, they agreed with my choice.

Each of Tentickles toys comes with several size and firmness options. Because the Woodsman is quite a thicc toy (do the kids still say “thicc?”) I decided to go with the small option—a little over four insertable inches and a diameter an inch and a half thick, I knew this would still fill me up without smashing my low-riding cervix. I also went with the medium density, because I like some squish to my toy but have suffered with soft densities being difficult to insert from time to time. I let my spouse pick between “oak” and “mahogany” for color, and they went with mahogany. (Since my order, Tentickle has introduced custom colors as an option, but the site labels what combination to use for the original two color options displayed on the site.)

All choices made, we placed our order, and waited.

Y’all. It arrived on my birthday. I know that wasn’t planned by literally anyone, but it was like a good omen of things to come. We opened it up, and looked at the beautiful red and black mottled dildo, short but thick and beautiful…

And I thought, “This looks like Darth Maul’s dick.”

And Damien also thought, “This looks like Darth Maul’s dick.”

Because, y’all…just…just look.

If you’ve ever wanted to fuck Darth Maul, you might already be sold on this toy, but let’s continue this review anyway.

The Woodsman is absolutely stunning in person. The colors are very vibrant and the mixing is nothing short of art. The subtle ridges are extremely well-designed, the curve is beautiful, and the head has a nice flare to it that you know on looking is going to hit right where you want it. And as a short and stubby model, once I got over the Darth Maul thing, I was actually really excited to compare it to another beautiful toy in my possession.

“Damien!” I said later, when we got into the car to go pick up my birthday dinner, all but bouncing with excitement. “It’s gonna be like the Uberrime Sensi except I can thrust it!”

I wasn’t able to try it out until the next day, but I was thinking about it, off and on, the whole time. Look, y’all, it’s not often that I get a dildo and I just want it in me from the get-go. But this one just hit a lot of my preferences, and it was gorgeous. If it was half as good as I thought it was going to be, I was going to be in heaven.

Damien got to try it first, as often happens. Because past medical issues sometimes makes their vagina cranky, they had some difficulty with it…but they still liked it. And they knew I would, too.

The Woodsman, as I’ve said a few times, is quite girthy, and it doesn’t have much in the way of tapering to ease that. So I warmed up a bit, with a vibrator and a thinner dildo, and then tried the Woodsman.

Y’all. I almost never left the bedroom again.

The thickness feels amazing—it’s a bit of a stretch, but once warmed up and lubed, it’s not painful. It just gives a nice feeling of fullness. And the shortness of the mini size was perfect for me. Not only does it not hit my cervix, but it’s set up in such a way that it is almost constantly stroking over my G-spot. Every movement, every thrust, was just aimed perfectly. It physically could not move past my G-spot because of the size, and the pronounced glans on the phallic head meant that it mostly stayed past my pubic bone when I moved it, so it was just. There. Constantly. My eyes are practically rolling back in my head with the mere memory of how perfectly it hit everything I needed it to.

In conjunction with a vibe on my clit, I had so many exquisite blended orgasms that I lost count. And those orgasms were so satisfying. Not only was I pretty much permanently in contact with Very Excitable Nerve Endings, but the dildo as a whole just felt really nice inside of me. Clenching on it was satisfying, because of its thickness and the very slight give of the medium density.

And afterwards, as with some other wide dildos, I was left with a feeling of being very thoroughly fucked, and I adore that sensation.

Another, less sexy but very practical thing I love about this toy? The base. Like, okay, I realize some people don’t like balls on their dildos, and that’s fine; I don’t really care one way or another. But they are excellent to hold onto. One of my peeves with fantasy toys (or, really, many other dildos) is that the base isn’t often designed for human hands to hold onto, which is inconvenient because…you know…I don’t have any other options. Combined with my wrist issues, sometimes using a dildo can turn into a painful experience for me! But the base of the Woodsman fits perfectly in my hand, without me having to hold onto part of the shaft—sometimes that’s fine, but this one doesn’t have much shaft to spare.

The base also makes this toy anal safe, although my butt’s too weak for that. It’s also harness compatible—you just have to place the harness O-ring in front of the balls.

I do have to say, in use, I don’t really notice the texture very much; the “wood grain” texture on the sides is pretty shallow, and the soft ridges near the head just somehow get lost in use. It might all be more noticeable in the firm texture, but honestly? I’m fine. The G-spot intensity and the sharp ridge on the head are all I really need anyway, and I suspect further texture might even distract me. And we wouldn’t want that, would we?

However, that doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t notice the texture—turns out my spouse Damien was very aware of the texture. They also, due to their finicky vagina, had to turn the toy around to enjoy it, so the curve was at the front of their vagina, and the head was pointed to the back…which they did, very much. Due to the pronounced curve, it still hit their G-spot in a way they liked.

Okay, do I have any complaints about this toy?

Uh…

No.

It’s a friggin’ Queer Earthling miracle: I have no complaints.

Honestly, I tried to find one. I know we all love getting mad about things, but there is nothing! The ridges aren’t too awkward or difficult to clean. The silicone texture is good and doesn’t soak up lube, nor is it an absolute lint-magnet. (My pictures are a tiny bit linty, but I couldn’t get the cat out of the room when I took the pictures.) The base, as established, is great. The color makes it look like Darth Maul’s dick. Everything is perfect! I’m practically singing “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” whenever I use it.

As always, the Woodsman isn’t going to be for everyone. If you can’t really do girth, this ain’t gonna do it—in fact, it looks like most if not all of Tentickle’s selection so far is pretty thick, so you might want to check out some of my other reviews. If you don’t like direct G-spot or prostate stimulation, the curve and pronounced head are going to be awful for you. If you prefer something longer, you might want to get a size up, or just get another toy all together. And obviously, if you really don’t care for a semi-realistic phallus, this is probably not in your wheelhouse, although you may like some of Tentickle’s other offerings.

The Bottom Line

Whether you want to fuck some Sith up, or you just want a durable little G-spotty dildo to call your own, I can absolutely recommend this toy. Tentickle’s toys are well-designed in both form and function, and I’m super excited to see more from them!

Buy from Tentickle for $66.35

Want more like this? Check out my sci fi tag and my fantasy tag!

---

Like Queer Earthling? Check out my affiliates or buy me a coffee!

---

This was not a paid review, nor do I have an affiliate account with Tentickle, though I may link to other affiliates in this post. I did receive the item for free in exchange for an honest review.

---

Darth Maul and Star Wars are properties of Lucasfilm and Disney, and I am not profiting off this parodic use.