Perhaps all I’ll review this year are shiny and sparkly sex toys. The Realm Silver Bullet was a fantastic bit of shiny, shiny plastic; and while it wasn’t perfect, I did enjoy the Stardust Glam plug from last week. So let’s continue demonstrating my commitment to Sparkle Motion with the Glam’s friend and colleague, the Stardust Posh vibrator, sent to me from Betty’s Toy Box. It’s adorable, it’s fun, and it’s a great beginner toy.
But first, let’s digress for a moment and talk about the concept of a beginner vibrator. I have a whole tag of toys I consider “beginner-friendly,” but what does that even mean?
Some reviewers recommend toys as “beginner-friendly” when what they mean is, “This toy kinda sucks but if you’ve never tried a sex toy, you might not be able to tell.” More generously, they may call it a beginner vibe because it has a minimum of functions or only one speed, or it’s inexpensive and battery-operated, or it’s very mild.
For me, though, a beginner-friendly toy actually has a myriad of functions. It seems to me that if you haven’t tried a vibrator, or you haven’t tried many, one that can do a variety of things is going to give you a better grasp of what you want. I do also tend to have a bit of overlap with my budget tag; if you aren’t sure you’ll like something, you’re probably not going to want to drop $75 on it! I also tend to not recommend super mild vibrators. Strong vibrators can be softened somewhat by a conveniently placed towel, or through pajama pants, or whatever, but a super weak vibrator can’t really be improved on. I’ve definitely recommended battery-operated toys as beginner toys before as well, but I’m starting to steer away from that because I just hate batteries, and it’s getting more and more common to find affordable rechargeable options that don’t suck. Battery-operated toys are still useful for many people, of course. They’re great if you have unreliable access to electricity, or if you need to keep your toy discreet and don’t want to charge it at your computer or into a wall adapter. But still, beginners should at least have the option to recharge instead of constantly buying batteries.
So, an ideal beginner vibe is, to me:
- under $50
Bonus points if it’s also easy to hide because…I don’t know about you, but when I got my first vibrator, I lived in my religious parents’ home. Getting a 500 lb fucking machine in the mail to try to hide in my childhood bedroom would not have worked out super well. Also, bonus bonus points if it’s aesthetically pleasing. For me, at least, buying my first sex toy was an act of empowerment, and having a pretty toy was a way of making it clear to myself that my sexuality was a positive thing that deserved recognition, not something embarrassing, even if I did have to hide it away.
Which brings us back to the topic at hand: The Stardust Posh.
The Posh is about five inches long. Half of it is covered in pink silicone (or blue, black, or white, depending on the color you choose). The other half is a hollow tube of borosilicate glass, filled with brightly colored crystals. They’re loose, like with the Glam Plug, but they don’t shift around much. It’s very narrow—less than an inch wide—and has a single button control on the side, right at the edge of the silicone layer. On the opposite side is the charge port.
The Posh boasts ten functions: three steady speeds and seven patterns, which is pretty standard for a vibrator these days, but the three steady speeds are pleasantly distinct from another. The vibrations only come through on the silicone side, since there’s obviously no room for a motor in the glass side, and they don’t actually spread to the glass very much, which means it doesn’t numb out my hand when I hold onto the toy. And the quality of the vibration is…pretty good, actually. They’re a little bit on the buzzy side, but honestly, they’re fine, and get pretty strong. With that slim size, it’s very pinpoint as well, which I personally prefer, rather than a broader stimulation that covers more of the vulva. I had several very nice orgasms with this vibrator.
Is it my new favorite? Nah. It’s extremely cute, and I love the sparkle aesthetic, but the orgasms I had with this toy didn’t blow me out of the water.
Oh, speaking of which: I wasn’t sure if this toy is waterproof because neither the listing nor the box actually tell me. I knew it was splash proof, though, as evidenced by the fact that I’ve washed it in running water several times and it’s always been fine, but I still wasn’t sure about fully submerging it. So, after debating back and forth, I decided to just test that. I filled the sink, turned it on, and threw it in. It stayed on! I took it out, dried it off, and turned it back on. It seems to be okay still. So: I’m pretty sure it’s waterproof, by virtue of some half-assed scientific testing. This is just some of the quality service we provide here at Queer Earthling.
Anyway, here’s the thing about it not being my new fave: I am in my third year of sex blogging, and my, like, twelfth year of sex toy ownership. And looking back to my earlier toys, and my earlier reviews? Oh, I would have loved this thing. If this had been my first toy I’d have slept with it…mostly because I’d probably have come with it so much I’d have fallen asleep with it still in the bed and then woken up panicked because I needed to clean it but my parents were up and we only had one bathroom.
(Based on a true story.)
So what I’m saying is: This is not my new favorite toy, but it’s still a pretty good toy! At $41.99, it’s fairly inexpensive for a decent rechargeable toy, the vibrations are good and varied, and it’s cute and glittery. I would recommend this to a beginner who thinks that they might like extremely direct stimulation and a variety of speeds, and I would also recommend it to someone who isn’t such a beginner but loves the aesthetic.
We’ve had a lot of disappointingly performing aesthetic toys here at Queer Earthling, so it’s nice to find one that also functions well! Pretty toys aren’t essential, but they’re nice. Sexual organs don’t care for looks, but people often do. And if you’re looking for a last-minute Valentine’s gift, this would be much more welcome than the fucking Rianne S. Heart that I love to hate. (Please, of course, always make sure you have someone’s consent to receive sex toys before you give them as a gift though.)
And since it comes in a whole line, I think that’s really fun, too. I love that I can match my vibrator to my butt plug. My bra and underwear might not match, but my sex toys do! They also have a slightly chunkier version called the Charm if you like the look but not the skinniness.
The Bottom Line
Newish to sex toys, or want to try out extremely pinpoint stimulation? This is a nice option. Want something that looks like Elle Woods designed it? I dare you to find anything better.
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