EDIT: 3/14/21: I promoted some products from The Butters in this post, but after some horrible social media behavior from the owner, I can no longer support nor encourage purchases from this company. Purchase links will be removed, but content will remain more or less intact.
The cool thing about butts is that pretty much everybody has one, regardless of gender or genitals. The other cool thing about butts is that the anus has a
buttload a lot of nerve endings. While I quite happily own and utilize a vagina, I also enjoy stimulating my ass sometimes while engaging in Sexy Activities, because—this is a huge shock, you guys—it feels good!
However, my ass is also a delicate flower.
The toys it can take are usually small, and often firm but with some give. Anything especially big, or especially hard, or both, is just not going to happen, no matter the lube or prep. While I’ve expanded (heh) my abilities in some respects over the years, my asshole is still limited. Sure, maybe I will be able to train it to take larger things—it’s certainly much more capable than when I first started experimenting with anal play a few years ago. But maybe I won’t.
And you know what? That’s fine.
Perhaps you’re in a similar boat. Perhaps you’re brand new to anal play, or perhaps you’re a 30-year booty veteran but still can’t take anything larger than the smallest of probes or your partner’s pinkie finger. If you want to learn to take more, that’s great! Pursue your goals! But if you don’t want to, or you don’t want to yet…then don’t. No one—including me—is obligated to take anything in any orifice, let alone something large or uncomfortable or intimidating. It can be uncomfortable, and in a worst case scenario, it can be dangerous: your asshole is a delicate instrument, and a serious tear can be a problem because there’s fecal matter, like, right there. This is also why it’s best to avoid things like Anal-Ease, which is a product designed to desensitize the area; pain is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, I think something’s wrong here?” and without that warning system, you might injure yourself more than you realize. (Also, like, if you’re numbing out all those nerve endings in your asshole, then what’s the point for the receiver? It definitely comes across as it being pleasurable only for the person doing the penetrating, which is…kinda shitty.)
So today instead of talking about how to take bigger items in your butthole, I’m going to talk about the toys that I like to use, as I am now: a butt wimp. (This is meant with some self-fondness; you are not weak of flesh or spirit if you, like me, prefer tiny toys!)
Some of these toys might still be too big for your preferences, or too small, or the wrong texture, or might just not be your jam, and again: that’s totally fine! While I’m saying “best” in the title for SEO reasons, what I really mean is that these are my favorites.
The key to any good anal interaction is lube, and lots of it. More than you think you need, especially if you’re starting out, or you’re nervous. While silicone lube is often recommended for live, human-involved anal sex because it’s long-lasting and very slippery, I tend to avoid it because I use silicone toys for the most part. Silicone toys can touch without difficulty, but silicone lubes can damage a silicone toy. (Apparently there are sources saying that’s not true, or not always true. That’s awesome information, but I’m an anxious being and, in this case, I’m just sticking with what I know. This is possibly the only matter on this Earth in which I am a bit conservative.)
I’ve tried a fair amount of lube. Most recently I’ve tried the oil-based lube from The Butters, and while it definitely keeps things slippery, it really isn’t for me. (I’ve repurposed it as a massage oil for my partner, though. Also, Witch of the Wands really liked it as a lube, just to show that it really is all personal preference.) I personally like something that feels more, uh, organically wet, for lack of better word. For years I stuck with Sliquid Sassy, which is formulated specifically for anal play but works great for all of my lube needs. I still use it sometimes, but recently I’ve tried out Slippery Stuff and I think it’s my new favorite for both vaginal and anal usage. I like the consistency, and it stays truly slippery for quite a while. It’s also super inexpensive, without containing stuff like glycerine, which is common in many drug store brands like KY.
Honestly, lube is—for the most part—available in small, inexpensive amounts from stores like SheVibe, Betty’s Toy Box, or Spectrum Boutique. Experiment with what you might like best.
I define a plug as such: a sex toy that STAYS IN YOUR ASS without you touching it. This rules out quite a few toys sold as butt plugs that I’ve tried out, because often there is some design issue that makes them come out on their own. However, I recognize that some of this is because I do need my plugs fairly small; because the staying power comes largely from the size difference between the bulb and the neck, that leaves less wiggle room.
My favorite plugs are also ones that I can wear comfortably for an extended length of time. Sometimes I like to wear it to the store or just around the house. Sometimes I just want it to stay there while I masturbate, often with a dildo, and I’d rather not have to babysit it to make sure it’s not migrating out. I also don’t like when the base cuts into my butt cheeks.
The Tantus Perfect is probably the best beginner plug I can think of. It’s extremely narrow, with a few little bumps to add some interesting but mild texture as you’re inserting it, and a very slight taper. The base is long, designed to fit in between cheeks, and actually feels super natural resting there. And once it’s in, it stays put.
The other plugs I’m fond of include Blush’s Slut Plug, which is quite a bit bigger than the Perfect but has a nice shape that makes it easy to insert, possibly with some practice, and the base is nicely flexible, and the Rear Assets Heart Plug, which is both small and quite pretty, although it is made of a harder material than the others. Aesthetics can make things a lot less intimidating, if that’s a concern!
I’d also like to note that, if a butt plug is too big for me anally, or if the shape doesn’t quite keep it in place, I do sometimes enjoy using them as a makeshift vaginal plug. As a bonus, the flared base can sometimes cut off access to my clit, which is fun for some mild chastity play.
Probes & Dildos
While a lot of small dildos exist, you have to make sure there’s a sturdy flared base for any anal toy. Much like Buffalo wings at certain bars, your rectum is endless; unlike Buffalo wings, this can end in going to the ER to get an item extracted from your butthole. (Actually, maybe that can happen with Buffalo wings, too. Don’t eat the bone.) There are a lot of kits for anal exploration, but I’ve never really tried one!
Long-time readers, or those who have recently gone on a Queer Earthling archive binge, may remember my triumph with a small green Blush Neo Elite. The dual-density toy was the key to my success: it was squishy enough to be comfortable, but firm enough not to bend. This is still one of my favorite butt toys; I’ve also had luck with its larger cousin, the 7.5 inch Glow in the Dark edition, which also features a bit of a taper.
Speaking of tapering, my absolute favorite dildo for anal play is the Split Peaches Unicorn Horn in small. This is a firmer silicone, but the taper is perfect. The point is very small, not much bigger than the above-mentioned Tantus Perfect; the texture from the spiral is extremely shallow and not easy to detect; and it grows gradually, which makes it really easy to insert. On the occasions that I want to try to take something bigger than my usual tiny toys, this is also the toy I use for prep, because it gently stretches out my muscles. I often follow it with a similarly twisted NoFrillDo from Funkit Toys. Mine’s an older color variation, but the function is the same. It’s blunt enough that I have difficulty inserting it to start with, but with some prep first, it’s really nice! The “twist” texture is more pronounced than that of the Unicorn Horn, so I can really enjoy the stimulation it provides, but it’s still small enough for me.
So, there you have it! If you’re new to trying out butt play, remember to go slow, use lube, and start small. What’s your favorite butt toy? Feel free to comment below!
Want more like this? Check out my anal toys tag and my beginner friendly tag!
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I love the We-Vibe Ditto! I’m working on a review for it and it’s gonna be in my ass in a short while. It’s a great toy. It’s nice and small and app-controlled vibrations which are so fun! I think my least favorite was the Lil Flirt by Tantus. I had bronchitis and coughed the butt plug out.
That’s hilarious! I’m in the process of testing a butt plug and I haven’t been able to take it out once because it just falls out every. single. time.