content note: brief mentions of D/s
Do you know what theme keeps coming up in my reviews this year? Two words: Aesthetics lie.
Starting from that goddamned Rianne S heart vibe all the way back in February, continuing to the delightfully designed but shittily executed Naughty Bits toys, and culminating in my tragic disappointment with the adorable and meaningful Princette Puppypus, I’ve had a lot of hopes dashed this year. I love pretty sex toys, but only when they work.
So, maybe it’s time to go back to basics. Find a design that already works fine, and spruce it up a bit visually.
Let’s take a moment to reflect on the humble butt plug. Usually it consists of the following:
1. A bulb, often tapered for easy insertion
2. A much narrower neck
3. A flared base, wider than the widest part of the bulb
The shapes have variations, of course. The classically-shaped Blush Slut Plug follows the guidelines, but so does the tapered and bumpy Tantus Perfect, and while they’re both identifiably butt plugs, and both function beautifully, their designs are also very different. But (butt) still, a butt plug is a butt plug is a butt plug. If you see it, you’ll probably know it’s a butt plug.
And this is also true of NS Novelties’ Rear Assets line. A series of affordable aluminum plugs, they’re not especially innovative in shape…and they don’t need to be. The thick bulb and very narrow neck are a good sign in terms of staying in place, and the wide base mean they won’t slip up too far and end in an emergency room visit. And princess plugs or jeweled plugs are popular for a reason: the jewel in the base adds a nice flare and bit of glamour to sexy time, whether partnered or solo.
What is exciting about the Rear Assets line?
They’re fucking pretty, guys.
Made of lightweight aluminum, the Rear Assets toys are available in several permutations. Rose gold and rainbow jewels! Rainbow chrome and pink jewels! Heart shaped! Round! Small! Slightly less small!
All the NS Novelties toys I’ve reviewed so far have been rainbow, and so I felt no need to change, and in fact went as rainbow as I could possibly go. I selected the multicolor aluminum and the rainbow jewel, with the heart-shaped base. There were two sizes to choose from—one with a width just over an inch, and one slightly larger. I probably could have gone with either, even with my wimpy asshole, but I’d just finished reviewing the Princette Puppypus. My ass still sore and possibly still bleeding at the time of ordering, I decided to go for the smaller of the two options. Self-care doesn’t just mean bubble baths and positive self-talk; sometimes it means buying tiny plugs so you don’t tear up your butt. Besides my own concern, there are many (many many many) people who have never used an anal plug, or who can’t take anything very big, or who don’t want to take anything very big. Y’all shouldn’t be left out of reviews!
My Rear Assets heart plug arrived from Betty’s Toy Box pretty quickly, as usual. It came with a drawstring bag which, while small, was still comically big for this teeny-tiny little plug. (I wound up using it for another toy that had removable parts.) The colors in person were just as bright and pretty as they were on the advertisement. The aluminum has that oil-spill mottled look of rainbow chrome, and the jewel at its base seems to echo that: in mine it’s pink in the middle, yellow around it, and blue at the edges, but they shift when you move the plug. It’s almost hypnotic.
Now, fun fact about my history of butt plugs: they have all, until now, been silicone. (I have used glass in my butt, but never in plug form.) Some of this is simply practicality: there are just a lot of silicone butt toys in this world. Some of this is wimpiness: I want some give, especially if I’m going to be wearing it for any length of time. Metal jeweled plugs aren’t exactly a rarity (you can buy them wholesale for like 80 cents each) but many of them, frankly, are kind of shitty. The base is sometimes not wide enough, or the edges might be sharp and therefore cause injury. Rather than gambling, I mostly just steer away from them.
But my Rear Assets toy is actually super well made. The base is noticeably bigger than the bulb, and the edges of the base are beveled extremely smooth. This toy isn’t just designed to sell; it’s designed to be used and enjoyed.
The first time I used my new Rear Assets plug, it was almost an afterthought. I had a new vibrator to review (results coming soon) and I figured, while I was there, why not kill two birds with one jack-off? So, I used some of my current favorite lube and put it in.
The metal was cold. This might seem obvious to you, but as I’ve established repeatedly, I’m kinda dumb, so I didn’t think of that. The toy slid in very easily, but the cold inside me was very hard to ignore. I imagine that, if I popped it in the freezer, that sensation might last even longer, which might be fun for anyone who enjoys temperature play. (The chill could also be reduced by running it under hot water, if that’s not your jam.) Once in, the base was tucked up, nice and secure, between my cheeks.
My ass is not small. My spouse refers to it as “mighty.” I’ve complained about uncomfortable bases before and part of me expected this one to be a little poke-y, at least.
The smooth edge was just noticeable enough for me to be sure it was still there and hadn’t somehow slipped in or fallen out or vanished with magic or something. But it didn’t cut into my ass cheeks. It was…comfortable. Extremely comfortable.
When masturbating, I could feel it. Between the cold of the aluminum, and the very slight but noticeable weight, I couldn’t forget. And when I came, I could feel it as my muscles contracted around it. But it’s an extremely pleasant, subtle sensation—not filled up or stretched, as with a bigger toy, but very present. It also didn’t try to fly out, which I strongly appreciate. When using a dildo, the plug isn’t big enough to interfere with my vagina in any way, which means that it probably wouldn’t interfere with partnered penetrative sex either. (Sometimes you want a toy that will interfere, because that can be a whole different and fun sensation! If that’s the case, this is probably not the toy you want.) Its influence is gentler, and the sensations are thoroughly for the wearer rather than their partner…but the sparkly jewel? The sparkly jewel is for everyone.
But butt plugs, for me, are not just for masturbation and orgasm. My favorite thing to do with a butt plug is to wear it extensively—around the house or even in public—and often on my dominant’s orders. So, once the Masturbation Test had been done (…a few times…) it was time for the Wear Test.
In order to pass the Wear Test, the plug must do the following:
1. Stay in place
2. Not hurt over time
Seems simple, right? But no. I have had several plugs that refuse to stay in place for any length of time, and several more plugs that hurt. Even the other princess plug I own, a silicone one with a removable jewel from a store that no longer exists, starts to hurt after wearing it for a while—some element of the design means that when I sit down, the base tries to smush itself against my asshole. I don’t love that. The most comfortable toys I’ve had either featured a very thin base, like the Tantus Perfect, or a slightly flexible base, like the Blush Slut plug. So, while I liked the Rear Asset plug for sexy time, I wasn’t sure if I’d like it the rest of the time.
DING DONG, I WAS WRONG.
Like, damn, that base refuses to cut into my skin. Not that I’m mad at that, obviously. But it was actually startlingly comfortable. I still couldn’t forget it was there, though—the slight weight of it inside of me was very hard to ignore. And as so often happens when I wear a butt plug, it moved when I moved, stimulating me in a quiet, subtle, but impossible-to-ignore way. The hour of plug wearing was an hour-long tease, and by the time I was ready to take it out, my panties were soaked and my clit was on high alert, because surely that much sensation must mean Sexy Time Is At Hand, right? Well…maybe if you have a less torturous dom than I do.
Speaking of my dom, I will note that my partner Damien doesn’t really like this toy. The “classic” butt plug shape is something that rarely works for them, because they find it uncomfortable on removal—they like something with more tapering near the neck end of the bulb, and they also found the flat base difficult to grasp to pull it out. So that’s something to keep in mind. There is just never going to be one toy that everyone likes, because everyone’s needs are different. But I personally really enjoyed it.
So, there we have it! The year is almost up, but I found a toy where the ability matches the appearance. This is a great beginner butt plug, especially if you’re nervous about anal insertion or discomfort of any sort, or if you’re extremely moved by aesthetics. It would also make a really nice gift, provided the recipient has consented to receiving a butt plug from you. As a bonus, it’s very budget friendly! The small size is $12.99, and the bigger one is only two dollars more at $14.99.
If you’re looking for something to really stretch you out or to test your limits, this…is not gonna do it. But sometimes that’s not what you want or need.
The Bottom Line
I’m sorry, Tantus Perfect, but I think you’ve been replaced as my go-to everyday plug! It’s just so damned pretty, the kind of toy I’d love to wear while shopping, or getting a spanking, or just about any other time I can think of. And at $12.99, I really do think this is a steal for an effective, aesthetic toy.
Buy in small from Betty’s Toy Box for $12.99
Buy in medium from Betty’s Toy Box for $14.99
Or, check out the rest of the Rear Assets line.
This toy was given to me for free in exchange for my honest review. This post does contain affiliate links.