Review: Vixen Ranger

[Description: A slightly linty Vixen Ranger (described below) leaning against the full Lord of the Rings Extended collection, with The One Ring sitting on top.]

In my young teens, I was in love with Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings. No, no, listen. You are hearing “I had a crush on a fictional character,” but no. I thought he was my boyfriend. I wrote letters to him. I daydreamed about him constantly. I wrote horrible fanfic that I kept under my mattress. Arwen died a lot. (Sorry, Arwen.) I have, in my time, had many crushes on fictional characters, but none surpass my all-consuming Aragorn obsession in the early 2000s. I’m kind of embarrassed about it, which is of course why I’m telling the entire Internet.

It makes sense, of course. I was an awkward girl who was interested in sex and dating, but also absolutely terrified of both for a ton of reasons. I liked fantasy worlds more than the real world. (Ask me how many times I’ve read the Belgariad sometime.) A fictional character made sense. A fictional character with ties to a magical world made even more sense. A fictional character who was attractive, rugged, but completely free of the trappings of toxic masculinity? Please, I still swoon.

I’m in a real relationship with a real human being now, and at least slightly better adjusted. My spouse and I watch Lord of the Rings every now and again together and quote most of the movie to each other. And I’m gonna be honest: even now, about eighteen years after the first time I saw (and later read) Fellowship of the Ring, when it gets to the first reveal of Strider lurking in the background, I’m always excited to see him. I’d still totally get that ranger dick.

Which brings us to this review.

“He’s one of them Rangers. Dangerous folk they are.”

The Vixen Ranger is the first Vixen toy I’ve ever tried, and one of the few dual density toys in my collection. “VixSkin,” their dual density line, is known throughout the sex blogger community for being extremely high quality and lifelike. Vixen likes to give their VixSkin toys cowboy names like Spur and Lonestar (and then there’s “Goodfella” because I guess the cowboy guy was home sick that day) but Ranger is the only one that’s also a Dungeons & Dragons class.

I’ve been hearing about VixSkin since I started reading sex bloggers, but I hadn’t gotten my hands on one until the Ranger. They’re expensive, and while I’d been intrigued, I had other sex toy priorities and a limited budget. But SheVibe offered to let me review one, and I decided, finally, it was time to see what all the fuss was about.

[Description: The large, black Ranger propping open a D&D book to a page describing the Ranger class, amidst scattered gaming dice.]

The only other dual density toy I can use to compare is Blush Novelty’s Neo Elite, which is quite a bit cheaper. Mine is also a lot smaller, so the comparison isn’t going to be exact. Superficially, the feeling is pretty similar. Soft outer layer around a firmer core to mimic a realistic erection, both are slightly tacky to the touch unless coated in lube. They both do feel very much like skin as well, especially if slightly warmed.

However, that is not to say that they’re identical. And it’s certainly not to say that the Vixen toys are overrated. Not by any means.

“What’s this? A Ranger, caught off his guard?”

I fucking love the Ranger, and I did not expect that.

Oh, I was sure I’d like it. There aren’t many dildos I’ve used that I’ve outright hated. I like vaguely phallic objects in my vagina. It’s really not that complicated. Some things I like better than others, though, and I figured this would probably make it into the “Okay, that’s nice, let’s move on” category.

Boy, was I wrong.

So, let’s talk about the things special to the Ranger. The base is, as with other Vixen toys, a very sturdy suction cup. It holds up spectacularly in a harness—some suction cups are soft and will bend or fold, which means they won’t stay in place. Not Vixen’s! That sucker can withstand a lot. The suction cup itself is pretty good in terms of staying in place against a smooth wall, but I don’t really use suction cups when masturbating so I can’t tell you how well it’ll hold up to rigorous activity.

[Description: The Ranger, the Neo Elite 6 inch, and the Colours Pleasures 5 inch suction cupped to the shower wall, as a continuation of images from the other two toys’ reviews]

It’s a thick toy—not ludicrous, furry art thick, but definitely hefty, and the head is even thicker, making it one of my widest usable toys. In fact, if I don’t warm up with a smaller toy, it can be tricky to use. The shaft is also curved, so that head is aimed right at the G-spot (or prostate, if you have one of those). It has some very nice skin details and veining to add to the lifelike look and feel, as well as to add some extra sensation in use.

(I will not, at this time, speculate on whether or not Aragorn’s penis might look like this, but I’m not stopping you from doing so.)

With my other dual density toy, the texture gets lost in use due to the soft outer layer. Strangely, this is not the case with the Ranger. I don’t know whether that’s due to slight differences in the silicone formula, or simply because the Ranger is so dang big. It is subtler than the texture might be on a firmer toy, though.

In fact, subtlety is a lot of the Ranger’s strength. Take that head, for instance. As I said, that thing is pretty big, at least for me. I have another toy with a head almost the same size, Uberrime’s Jellyfish, and while I adore that toy, I can’t always use it—not because insertion is intense, but because that distinct head and pronounced corona catch on my pubic bone and make thrusting difficult. It’s an interesting sensation, but not one I can go for every day. Not so with the Ranger! The softness means I can feel it, but it doesn’t catch, and thrusting is super easy—again, as long as I’ve warmed up first.

And once it’s in? The head is built for my G-spot, but instead of a firm, direct sensation, the squishiness makes it a lot gentler. It’s still intense, but instead of “HI, THIS IS YOUR G-SPOT, ENJOY YOUR ORGASM” it’s more of a polite “Hello, how are you? Would you like some stimulation? Oh, well, then, here we are! Enjoy!”

And then I have extremely intense orgasms. But with manners.

The length is a little too much for me, but that’s fine. Given it only has the (admittedly very solid) suction cup to hold onto, I kind of appreciate the extra couple of inches to grasp while thrusting. And I can still get it pretty deep. Satisfyingly deep. Helm’s Deep.

“And what would a Ranger know of this matter?”

Now, as with all things, there are drawbacks.

[Description: The Ranger with a scattered collection of gaming dice.]

First, it has exactly one color option: black. Most of the VixSkin toys come in a few faux-fleshy tones, but not the Ranger! You get black. I generally prefer black to the faux-fleshy tones, but I’d have been really happy with blue, or orange, or you know. Options. But black is fine, I guess.

Second, and a little more annoying, is that it is a lint magnet. I set it down on my bed before using it the other day, and when I picked it up it was covered in cat hair I hadn’t even seen. Obviously I washed it before I used it, because, you know, ew, and it was fine, but I learned to put it on a towel and hope my cats haven’t gone within three feet of said towel. It gets linty sitting in the plastic drawer set where I keep my toys, and I don’t know how, because it’s a plastic drawer set. It gets linty if I breathe on it wrong. Like. Damn. Lint. (I didn’t bother trying to photoshop the lint out of the pictures because you might as well know how much lint a freshly-washed Ranger can collect between the sink and my living room.)

None of these are drawbacks that I would consider dealbreakers, but they are things I’d want to know before I dropped $105.99 on a sex toy.

“He is no mere Ranger.”

I love this dildo, for reasons that have nothing to do with fictional characters, or inappropriate thoughts thereof.

The size is so good on days when I’m in the mood to be filled up. The softness makes it comfortable. The G-spot curve is spectacular. And the surface is just enough to make my texture-loving vagina as happy as a hobbit at a buffet.

[Description: The Ranger, angled towards the camera, with two metal dragons]

At this price, and this size, this is not a toy for everyone, and that’s okay. There are many dildos in this world. The Neo Elite dual density toys are still decent toys that do the job of Feeling Like A Penis. And SheVibe has, at an estimate, a zillion budget-friendly dildos, and a zillion smaller toys.

The Bottom Line

The Ranger is wonderful. The shape, the texture, all of it is entirely unique. This is the one over-$100 toy I’d recommend this year. If you have the money, and you’re into something on the bigger size, or you want to give a G-spot of your acquaintance a real treat, it’s worth every cent. It would be a wonderful treat for yourself, or a great present to a (consenting) partner for a birthday or gift-giving holiday. Or in honor of your new D&D character. Or to celebrate the fall of the Dark Lord Sauron. Whatever.

Buy from SheVibe for $105.99


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This item was provided by SheVibe in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own. This post contains affiliate links.

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