When I took that trip to our nearest questionable sex shop, my partner picked this out and insisted I review it. Their reasoning was extremely sound: “It glows in the dark and that’s awesome!”
No arguments here.
Dorcel Expert G is available in “Phospho,” which is what we bought, and pink. It’s also only really available on Amazon, which is always the mark of a quality sex toy. It is genuinely made of silicone. We weren’t sure, so we flame-tested. Silicone, when exposed to flame, produces white or gray ash. At first we couldn’t see any result, and then we realized it was producing white ash; we just couldn’t see it because, when not glowing, the vibrator is also white. Whoops.
It boasts (warns?) the typical 10 vibration modes, three of which are steady speeds and the rest of which are patterns. Simple math says that’s seven patterns, but whenever I try to count I lose track. They’re all very similar to one another. There’s a single button to cycle through all of these but, blessedly, if you turn it off it starts at the lowest steady setting again.
The Expert G runs on two AAA batteries, and has a decent battery cap. Some battery-run toys have caps that like to fall off (I’m not naming names, but Fun Factory), but in the Expert G’s case, the entire plastic base comes off, which seems to add some stability.
I didn’t save the box for the Expert G, but it is exactly everything I hate in sex toy packaging. While the front just showed the toy glowing steadily, it featured bare-breasted women arranged in sultry poses on the side panels. Somewhere on the box was a teeny-tiny little ♀ symbol to make sure you knew it was for women only. My nonbinary partner picked it up and it spontaneously burst into flame! Okay, that part might not have happened.
You’ll notice I’m talking about all the specs and details of buying it, and avoiding any actual review. That’s because…honestly, you guys, this toy is extremely mediocre. It’s weaker than my usual vibrators, but not so weak I can’t use it. I had some orgasms with it. They weren’t, like, amazing orgasms, but they were there. I like the softness of the silicone, and, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, it is somewhat similar to my very first vibrator, so there’s some nostalgia there. (I think it’s weaker than the Lucid Dream #14; Damien thinks it’s about the same. We haven’t had that toy for years and we’re relying on memory here, so we’re probably both wrong somehow.) The patterns aren’t great, but most patterns aren’t. The three speeds are different enough to notice. So…it’s fine. Is it amazing? No. But it’s fine.
It is, as you can guess from the name, designed to be used on the G-spot. I tried using it internally, even though internal vibration isn’t usually my jam. On its own it felt okay. I wasn’t going to orgasm from it that way, but it was fine. (Are you sensing a theme here?) I added another vibrator for clitoral stimulation, hoping to actually have an orgasm, and immediately lost any sense of the Expert G. Even the lowest setting of my favorite bullet vibrator completely annihilated the Expert G’s vibrations.
The glow-in-the-dark feature is potentially really cool, but you have to be pretty deliberate about it, and actually hold it up to a lamp for a few seconds first. But then when you turn off the lights, it glows an extremely pretty shade of teal, as opposed to the usual phosphorous green of most glow-in-the-dark items. I do genuinely like the effect. It’s like something out of Tron, except it gives you mediocre orgasms. (Tron fights for the users. He would provide much better orgasms.)
The truth is, I don’t hate this toy. It’s solidly okay. If it were cheaper, I’d recommend it for someone just trying out sex toys, since it can be used internally as well as externally, has patterns, and so on. But when $30 is the lowest price I’ve seen for it…you can absolutely buy a better vibrator for that price, and that makes me kind of dislike it more. You can get my fave bullet on SheVibe for $4 more—and not only are the vibrations better, but it’s rechargeable. SheVibe also has more than 60 G-spot vibrators that cost less than $30, and at least one of those has got to be as good as or better than this thing.
Is it the glow-in-the-dark option you’re looking for? You can get a Rocks Off vibrator for $14 that glows. Rocks Off vibrators aren’t exactly stellar either, but if you’re just here for the party trick, it’s there for the cost of Tron on Blu-Ray. There are also a ton of glow-in-the-dark silicone dildos, like this Addiction dildo or the extremely impressive Uberrime Jellyfish. You do not need to settle. Even Dorcel has a non-vibrating glowing G-spot dildo, with the same color and none of the disappointing motor.
The Bottom Line
The Dorcel Expert G isn’t awful, but for the price, you can do better. Don’t bother with this one.
Buy (if you must) from Amazon for $30.48
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