Oh my God, am I squirting? Oh, my God. I actually squirted. I’m now A Squirter. Wait, am I sure that’s not pee? Nope, that’s definitely not pee. Wait, did it soak through my towel? Shitshitshi—No, okay. …Cool!
Air pulsation toys have been around since about 2015, but I still hadn’t gotten around to trying one. They always seemed a little pricey when I wasn’t sure they’d work for me, and I was very comfortable with vibrators. But Satisfyer sent me a bundle of sex toys to review, and of course, they included one of their iconic pressure wave style toys. This particular model is the Satisfyer Pro 2 Vibration, which—as you may or may not deduce from the name—also includes a vibrating feature.
The body of the toy is plastic, in a sleek rose gold, and I think it’s kind of elegant and classy looking. It charges with a simple magnetic charger, and from what I can tell, all Satisfyer toys can use the same charger, which is extremely convenient. On the back are the silicone buttons—a single circle to control the vibration, and an up and down for the pressure wave feature. The business end is a nozzle-like silicone tip, designed to go around a clitoris. It can be replaced with a different size if it doesn’t fit you, but the alternate options aren’t included in the box, which I think is a shame. Once the pressure wave feature is activated, it creates a seal, and if you pull the toy away it makes a hilarious “schlorp” noise. (Please note that it doesn’t only seal on a clit. It’s very easy to make a seal against a labia that makes you think you got it for a sec if you aren’t paying attention, since it’s designed to go around a clit rather than touching it. It also seals easily on your lip, but hopefully your aim isn’t that bad.) The instructions recommend holding your labia apart with one hand, and using some lube, and I definitely found this was necessary for me.
The first time I used it, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. I’d read reviews, of course, and heard people say it that pressure wave toys produced a tapping sensation, or a wave sensation, or even a little bit of a suction-type sensation. For me, I found tapping to be the most accurate, and it sounded sort of like a cat purring. It was okay, I thought, and then turned it up.
The sensation increased, of course, and then—and then—
I got a cramp in my thigh the exact moment I came. I squawked, removed the toy, and worked on stretching my leg out.
Undeterred, I tried again, this time paying more attention to what angle I was holding my goddamn leg at. This time I could thoroughly enjoy my orgasm. And it was a good one!
I should interrupt myself (again) to mention that I don’t like a wham-bam instant orgasm. I touched on this in my Exposed Nocturnal review. Also, I once used the Wahl massager, being unable to afford a classic Magic Wand and hearing that the vibrations were surprisingly similar. The immediate orgasm it gave me made me decide that a) wow yeah, the Wahl is extremely powerful and b) fuck that. I like the gradual build and then release of an orgasm—that’s as important to my pleasure as the orgasm itself. For some people, a one minute instant orgasm is wonderful and ideal, and that’s great! It’s just not my jam.
So I was extremely pleased that the Satisfyer didn’t just rocket me to orgasm, but brought me there, with the build-up I prefer. It was a pretty fast build-up, especially once I’d primed myself with one leg-cramp-interrupted orgasm, but it was still noticeable, and I could even control it by changing the intensity levels. I imagine it might be a little more unpleasantly “slam into orgasm”-y at higher intensities (did I mention there are 11 air pulse settings?), but I found a setting that works for me somewhere in the middle.
And then, the orgasm. The first Satisfyer orgasm was…different from what I was used to. It was powerful, making my everything clench like it does from a good and rumbly vibe, but it was also weird because I could feel it all over my clit. Somehow my clit felt…bigger? Longer? And the center of my goddamn universe. It was a little like how I remember my first orgasm, a very long time ago.
The first time I used the Satisfyer, I’d gone like two weeks without masturbating at all because depression is the ultimate cockblock. For that session, I can’t say the orgasms were (heh) satisfying. They did, however, make me incredibly horny and incredibly eager for more orgasms, so after trying it out a few more times, I switched to a vibrator until I finally felt done.
The second time I tried it out, though, was only a few days later. Not having gone two weeks this time, my body was a lot more chill. Multiple orgasms were still on the table, as they pretty much always are for me—the first is almost never enough for my weirdo body. But there was a chance that it wouldn’t take an hour of repeated orgasming to finally be done. Also, my partner and I had just done a little kink scene, and I was feeling both very ready and weirdly relaxed.
Well.
First orgasm was pretty good. Then I experimented a little more again—tried it with the vibration only (eh, that was okay, didn’t really work for me) and tried with both the air wave and the vibration on (ugh, hated it—each sensation detracted from the other). I also decided to try inserting a small dildo, but quickly realized that wouldn’t work out for me—I have to hold my labia apart a bit to use the Satisfyer, and I can’t do that and thrust a dildo and hold the Satisfyer on my clit—so I put the dildo aside and put my focus back on the Satisfyer.
I played for a while, and then realized I was doing something silly. Whenever I got close, I started thinking, “Oh, this is too intense” and immediately stopped what I was doing. Conjuring up the best dom voice I could think of, I let some imaginary partner demand that I keep that Satisfyer in place no matter what. I’m a good girl and I like following orders, even if they’re from my own head. So, even when it got too intense, I stayed there.
It was the most ridiculously porny orgasm of my life. I writhed, my mouth opened wide like I was possessed, and then I came hard and, for the second time in my life, actually squirted.
(The first time I squirted, I didn’t even get an orgasm out of it. I was wearing a thick plug in my vagina on my real dom’s orders while we watched TV, felt an intense but not noticeably pleasurable throb at some point, and then when I went to the bathroom to take the plug out, liquid literally poured out of me like I was a broken faucet. I had to clean the floor. It wasn’t extremely sexy.)
I probably could have come again after that, but I was too astonished. I cleaned everything up, put the towel in the washing machine, and came out to tell my partner of my latest party trick.
So, needless to say, I rather like this toy. I don’t squirt every time I use it, but the orgasms are consistently pretty intense, and unique.
Is it better than a vibrator? No, of course not. I love using vibrators still, and to be honest, I’m probably going to continue to reach for them most of the time, especially if I want to include a dildo that day. But listen, sometimes I want to get a Hawaiian pizza delivered from the Dominos right down the street. Sometimes I want to drive to Mellow Mushroom and pick up a Mighty Meaty. I love both of those things, and the experiences are slightly different, but in the end, I’m still eating pizza.
My other favorite feature of this toy is how quiet it is. I’m sometimes uncomfortable masturbating if my metamour is home (my personal hang-ups, nothing to do with him), but with the Satisfyer, no one is going to hear this thing. You could probably put your ear to the door and not hear the Satisfyer at all as long as it was in air pulse mode.
Mind you, it’s not out of the question that I might end up making some noises, but that’s beside the point.
The Satisfyer Pro 2 is also waterproof, and for the sake of thoroughness, I tested in the bath. (A little nervously—I’d heard previous versions of the Satisfyer died in the tub, and I did not want to lose this thing.) The tub isn’t my favorite masturbation location, but I mean, there isn’t really a bad place for an orgasm, so it wasn’t any great hardship. For some reason in the tub I had a slightly harder time making and keeping the seal around my clit, but I think that’s something that would just take practice. I was able to orgasm with it, and still pretty intensely, despite everything. Also, it was an interesting feeling—the air pulse is like a faintly cool puff of air, and the tub water was hot, and the contrast was enjoyable and unique. It did seem a little louder in the tub for some reason, but that may be because of the bathroom echo. Also, despite my anxieties, the issues from 2016 were in fact repaired in 2019. Go figure.
This toy is absolutely not perfect, as no toy is. My partner struggled to get a seal on their clit, and once they did, didn’t find the sensations enough to bring them to orgasm, although they did eventually find it arousing, which made their time with the vibrator afterwards even more fun. Some people will find that the silicone tip doesn’t quite fit their anatomy. And some people absolutely hate directly focused clitoral stimulation. Also, as I mentioned, the vibration feature didn’t do it for me, although it might do it for you! (And I can never rule out the idea that in a few months, somehow, things will click and my body will go, “Oh! Yes! I love this!”)
But if you want something different from a vibrator, quiet, waterproof, and extremely clit-focused, Satisfyer offers some of the least expensive air-pulse toys available. I also feel like the clitoral sensations I described above might be affirming for some trans-masc folks.
The Bottom Line
I kind of love the Satisfyer Pro 2 Vibration. It’s very pretty, and the orgasms I get from it are unlike the ones I get from any other toy. It’s pretty quiet, which is good if you have roommates and thin walls, or you just don’t want to hear a lot of noise when you’re masturbating. The vibration didn’t do much for me, but that’s me, and I’m still glad I have that version because I didn’t know what to expect.
Buy from SheVibe for $53.99
Buy from Betty’s Toy Box for $74.99
Don’t forget to enter my giveaway for a Satisfyer Men Vibration! The giveaway has ended.
Queer Earthling 