Picture it: Sicily, 1920 South Carolina, 2019. It was nearly Valentine’s Day, and I happened to have some extra money I’d saved up. Given the fact that 2019 had sucked so far, I decided the only real option was to gift my partner (and, let’s be honest, me) another Bad Dragon toy. Particularly one that had caught our eye recently.
If you’ve ever read any of my reviews before, then you know that we love fantasy dildos in this house, and I love texture. I have previously reviewed another Bad Dragon toy, the tentacle dildo Tako, which I still love but had some trouble figuring out due to its shape and floppiness (even at a fairly high silicone firmness). We were hoping for an improvement.
Bad Dragon’s Pretzal, to our eyes, was similar to the Tako, but different in many ways, and the texture seemed impressive. While normally we go for bright colors, we were dazzled by the glitter options, and decided to go with the color “black gold,” which is, as you can imagine, black with gold glitter. (They make imaginative toys. They don’t have to have imaginative color names.) Because this was a pricey toy for us, we liked that it looked super bougie and fancy, and also a bit space-like. We ordered it in size small, with medium firmness.
It took…well over a month to arrive. Granted, you probably shouldn’t place a last-second Valentine’s Day gift and expect it in a timely fashion, but at first we were annoyed at our poor planning because my partner’s then-upcoming surgery meant they couldn’t masturbate for several weeks, and we realized that would probably arrive right in the middle of that. But actually, it arrived just as they got the go-ahead to play again, so apparently the Dildo Gods were smiling down upon us. That said, be advised that Bad Dragon toys are individually made and have a lot of variables, and they do not have a way to speed up the process. If you want to order a Bad Dragon toy as a gift, plan ahead. Don’t be like me.
(You can occasionally get one that’s already in stock, but it’s a crapshoot if it’s one that you’ll like, in the size and firmness that you like, and a color you like.)
The Pretzal features an S-curve, and the girth widens as you approach the base—again, features very similar to the Tako. It’s also lined with stud-like ridges along both the top and underside, and the left-and-right sides of the shaft. However, the Tako requires a bit of a learning curve to figure out, and the sensations—while fun—are unlike any other dildo I’ve used. In practice, I’m much more likely to reach for the Pretzal.
The ‘neck’ of the Pretzal is much thicker than the Tako, and that means it isn’t remotely floppy at this silicone density. Unlike the Tako, I can actually thrust with the Pretzal, as with a traditional dildo. And here’s the magic of it: I can use it with the head angled up or down. If the point is ‘up’ towards my G-spot, it hits it beautifully, and I can feel all of those studs along the shaft. If I point it ‘down’ towards my back, then the first curve hits my G-spot, and I can still feel all of those studs. If I’m thrusting, I prefer to use it so that the point is to my back because then I can grip it more easily, with my thumb on the base’s decorative ridge next to the shaft, and my hand on the smooth bottom of the toy, rather than trying to hold the entire base with the flat against my palm and my fingers curled around the edges.
Thrusting isn’t the only thing you can do! Part of the reason the base is so big is that Bad Dragon toys are designed to be placed on a surface, with the user lowering yourself onto it. That isn’t something I enjoy doing, and it’s definitely not something my weak knees enjoy doing. My partner also recommends inserting it, setting it on the bed, and then laying down and doing a hands-free hump. I’m not huge on that either, but it certainly is well made for it. But I will, at times, just hold it in place with one of the curves pressed firmly against my G-spot and a vibrator buzzing away on my clit. This is especially good on days my wrists are sore, or just I’m feeling lazy.
If you’re new to fantasy toys in general or Bad Dragon toys in particular, this is absolutely a toy I would recommend starting out with. It’s intuitive, and due to the taper, if you misjudge the size (remember, Bad Dragon toys can get huge) you can still probably at least use some of it. But it’s also unique enough, very unlike any traditional, human-based dildo, that you will get the full fantasy experience.
Let it be known that it’s also extremely versatile in terms of fantasy. Because it doesn’t closely resemble any real penis, or even (necessarily) a penis at all, it can represent all sorts of creatures, if you’re so inclined. I’ve used it for fantasies about various aliens, anthro-dragons, monster tongues, demons…it can make a decent tentacle, for that matter. (Sorry, Tako.) Fantasy and roleplay in general is an important part of my sex life, and this toy makes a great prop. (Unlike the Tako, which is also pretty versatile in some ways, Pretzal doesn’t make a good spanking implement. I think mine is too small.)
As with most Bad Dragon toys, it has a few flaws. Their silicone will always, always pick up lint just by existing. The base is huge and potentially awkward. I’m also not sure that it’s harness compatible. At best, I think it would be extremely uncomfortable.
If you’re dedicated to the idea of a tentacle and want something that looks like a tentacle, I will still recommend the Tako. It’s an excellent toy, and I’m glad it’s in my collection. But if you want something tentacle-adjacent that’s a little easier to use? Hellooooo Pretzal.
Also, Bad Dragon sends you a sticker with your order and, because ours arrived during Lent, we also got Mardi Gras beads. I love when companies throw in random gifts, I really do. A now-defunct website I used to use would send Skittles and Jolly Ranchers with your sex toy order. If you’re a sex toy company and you’re reading this, consider doing this, and I will actually love you forever. I am a simple creature.
I’m also not sure why it’s called Pretzal. Googling “Pretzal” only results in either correcting me to “pretzel,” or information on this exact toy. Nothing else on Earth seems to be called “Pretzal.” It does inform me that, back when they designed characters to go with their toys, Pretzal was a “swamp wyrm.” I’m guessing that’s a water dragon of sorts, which is pretty rad, but otherwise? I got nothin’. They just liked the way the name looked, I guess.
Incidentally, if you’re interested in fantasy or non-representational toys but not Bad Dragon prices, you might want to check out my review for Tantus’s Magma. Betty Butch also has a pretty positive review of the very affordable Ben by Addiction.
The Bottom Line
This is probably my favorite Bad Dragon toy. The texture and the curve are both great for my anatomy and preferences, the size is good, and it’s intuitive to use. The color I chose is pretty, but it has tons of other beautiful colors, or custom mixes—one of Bad Dragon’s strengths is the ability to customize. If you’re interested in fantasy toys, especially ones that are fairly versatile, the Pretzal might just be the toy for you.
Buy from Bad Dragon starting at $75
Bad Dragon doesn’t have an affiliate program; I won’t earn any money from your purchasing a Bad Dragon toy, and I purchased this product with my own money. This review does contain other affiliate links.
Queer Earthling 