Adventures in Spanking

[An assortment of spanking items arranged in a circle against a snowflake-printed background. From top, clockwise: a paddle, a folded leather belt, a riding crop, a hairbrush, another belt, a white spatula with a picture of Jeff Bridges on it, and a purple spatula.]

cw: impact play, D/s

My partner and full-time dominant Damien loves spanking me. This is convenient, because I really love being spanked. I’m wired in such a way that the sharp pain of spanking feels amazingly good to me. In our dynamic it isn’t ever used as a punishment, because both of us have dealt with abuse and don’t like the connotation. Generally, it’s a reward for me, and a way for us to connect intimately.

There’s an unfortunate concept within the kink community that suggests that you can’t play unless you shell out big money on equipment. While there are some things you should spend the money on for safety, impact play doesn’t need to cost a lot of money—although it certainly can.

Here is an incomplete list of things my partner has used to spank me, with my official rating. I should note that I prefer stingy impact to thuddy, terms that are used within the kink community. Stingy is a sharper, surface pain, while thuddy is a deeper, more bruising impact. One isn’t necessarily better than the other—it just depends on personal preference.

And now, the list.

Bare hand

Nice, intimate, has a slower build-up than impact toys. On the downside, it makes her hand sting, so it’s done sooner. Fewer positions for comfort of both me and my dominant. However, hands are generally $0, and usually available.

6/10

Belt

Really intense, nicely stingy but with a surprising depth to it, just shy of thuddy. I can’t take it for very long but I love every moment of it. Also makes me make weird ‘ow’ noises.

10/10

Plastic ruler

Stingy! Can’t feel it through pants, but great on panties or bare skin. Bonus ‘sexy teacher/sadistic headmistress’ connotations. Also makes a great slapping noise.

8/10

Standard cheap paddle from Spencer’s

For being a cheap paddle, it does the job pretty well. A subtler sting, takes a while for it to be intense, impossible to feel through pants. Probably our most frequently used toy just because it’s very easy for my dominant to hold and swing, looks good, and is holding up surprisingly well.

8/10

Riding crop

Surprisingly quiet. The pain builds up really nicely. I can feel this through pajama pants, which is great for impromptu spankings or when I have a heavy period. Also, iconic, makes me think of Jareth, or of Annie Lennox in the “Sweet Dreams” music video, both of which had a big influence on my kinkiness.

10/10

Wooden backscratcher

Very like the plastic ruler in sensation. It’s long enough that I can sort of spank myself with it, but I can never actually find it when I want to do that. Also, it’s kind of ugly.

6/10

Standard cheap flogger from Spencer’s

Our first spanking toy! It was rubber-band snappingly stingy, which isn’t my favorite but did leave my skin all tingly. Sadly, it was very cheap and it wound up falling apart the last time we used it. Naturally, upon noticing, she spanked me until the flogger was in ruins. Would destroy with ass again.

5/10

Wooden hairbrush

Very concentrated sensation due to size. Easy for her to manipulate. Spank with the bristle side for extra sting. Bonus: just run the bristles over skin for a nice scratchy sensation, and watch me disappear so far into subspace I need a compass and a map to get out again.

10/10

[A white Williams-Sonoma spatula printed with a doodle of Jeff Bridges stirring a bowl. The top is cut off except for the word “bowling,” and on the bowl is the word “abide.” It’s resting on a copy of The Big Lebowski and a book entitled “Two Gentlemen of Lebowski.”]

Spatula

Basically feels like a stingy cross between crop and paddle, and conveniently located in my kitchen. Excellent for impromptu swats when I don’t expect them, when washing dishes or clearing the table or something. (Advice: don’t spank someone when they’re cutting vegetables or frying bacon.)

8/10

Spatula with a Jeff Bridges self-portrait

Same as above, but has Jeff Bridges on it.

8.5/10

Silicone whisk

Surprisingly thuddy. I expected it to feel stingier, with more give to it, but the middle loops just band together and hit hard. Not very comfortable for dom to use, feels weird on my butt, not very visually pleasing.

3/10

A Piers Anthony paperback novel

Somewhere between thuddy and stingy. I haven’t read the book, so the contents don’t influence the experience, but books are great in general.

6/10

A Neil Gaiman paperback novel

Somewhere between thuddy and stingy. It’s my favorite book. Also, I love books.

7/10

A sweet dragon-headed walking stick

Thuddiest impact I’ve felt. I understand the appeal, but my pain tolerance is really low with thuddy implements, so I got about two (enjoyable) smacks and was done. It should be noted that my partner looks really, really hot carrying around a walking stick and sometimes needs one for mobility reasons .

7/10

Chance super-soft silicone dildo from Bad Dragon

Thuddy, but not as intense as the walking stick. Should try this one again, because it’s so weird, but we usually forget about it. Also, covered in lint at all times, because Bad Dragon silicone is like that.

6/10

Tako the Tentacle from Bad Dragon

I can’t remember what this felt like because I was too busy laughing at having a tentacle spank me. I do know it was a little difficult for her to manage because the base is so big.

4/10

A folded t-shirt

Almost didn’t feel it, but it was a nice surprise when we were cleaning up in the bedroom.

2/10

Bag of tortillas

Damien is so weird.

?????/10

[A black paddle resting on a bag of Mission tortillas.]
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