Bed, Bath, and way Beyond

cw: non-explicit mentions of several kinks, including impact play, bondage, ddlg, pet play, watersports.

Sometimes you don’t have a nice kink store or sex shop in your area. But you probably have that home décor haven that we call Bed Bath and Beyond.

(Well, most people call it that. My household and I call it “Bloodbath and Beyond,” because we think we’re funny. I once didn’t get hired there and I was actually glad because I was terrified I’d accidentally call it that while working. I digress.)

I am here to tell you that among the “live, laugh, love” doormats, the expensive duvet covers, and the Keurig machines, Bed Bath and Beyond is a fantastic store full of easy pervertables. I highly recommendbringing a partner or kinky friend along and going on a sort of scavenger hunt to see what you can find. Enjoy joining the check-out lines with the upper-middle-class, stuffy-looking people, knowing your purchases are to be used for nefarious purposes. (Although, to be fair, they might be buying stuff for the same reason. A reported 40% of Americans consider themselves kinky!)

While I’m providing links, I’m mostly listing items I’ve seen in person at the store, or at least, things that are similar, because this is intended to inspire an in-person shopping trip. You can definitely find things that I haven’t listed, and in fact, I hope you do! That said, please use good judgment and read up on kink safety before trying out, say, makeshift bondage, and don’t stick anything in an orifice that isn’t designed for it.

This is obviously not sponsored or anything but it totally should be.

Ball gag

Okay, not really. But if you put some rope/ribbon/something through this, you can probably make it work.


They’re sold as sleep masks and I mean I guess that’s okay too, I’m not here to judge.

Bondage anchors

Please don’t use this for suspension, but if you want a nice anchor point on your headboard or wall, a mounted towel ring is usually not too hard to install.

Bondage rope

Okay, they aren’t as nice as some pretty Twisted Monk rope or a proper pair of cuffs, but some curtain tie-backs will work for most wrists in a pinch. Please be sure to have some emergency shears nearby in case someone needs to be released in a hurry! I’ve also seen people use athletic tape in lieu of actual bondage tape.


Just pay attention to measurements (err on the side of too big) and, if possible, look in person to see if it’ll be comfy for a human neck, because people are (usually) a little less furry than dogs. They also won’t have the same anchor points as a collar made for kink play, obviously, but it’s still a good, inexpensive alternative.

Dog bowl

Maybe your sub is a nice puppy or kitten. Maybe you just don’t think they deserve to eat at the table today. Either way, BB&B has you covered.

Pee pads

I’m not into watersports, but if you are, I’m told puppy pads are useful to keep your house clean. These ones are washable.

Spanking implements

BB&B is a paradise of spanking implements in disguise. Oh, no, sorry, it’s a “wooden spatula.” Of course. And this one’s a cheese board. This one is two dollars, if you’re feeling thrifty. Or maybe you’d prefer something cute?

Wand Vibrators Massagers

It’s a back massager, I swear. Actually, according to the website, they sell actual for-your-genitals vibrators as well, but I’ve never seen one in store. But you might not live in the South, so perhaps you’ll have better luck.

Also, BB&B has you covered for aftercare!

You can choose through thousand nice blankets to wrap up in, if you like. I personally like to hold onto a stuffed animal during aftercare. Some people swear by a warm drink to replenish calories as well as to help calm down from an endorphin high and prevent a crash. And physically, maybe a hot/cold pack for a bruised sub, or for a top’s sore spanking arm? (Remember, aftercare isn’t just for bottoms/subs!)

Final thoughts

There are so many other things that I’ve seen in store. Simple kitty-ear headbands for someone starting out in petplay, pacifiers for littles, lotion and painkillers for aftercare…seriously, this is just a starting-off point. Take your kinky imagination and maybe a play partner and go look around at BB&B. Have you ever found anything you thought too-easily pervertable at a vanilla store?

Bonus wall art, submitted without comment, because honestly…

This is one of my earliest posts, from before I knew anything about monetizing a blog. It has no affiliate links, and I will make zero dollars off of anything you buy here, but I hope you have fun anyway!

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